Knitter’s Proverbs and Sayings

We’ve all heard them. Those classic proverbs and sayings like, ‘a penny saved is a penny earned’. Well, I wondered how some of these saying would go if it was a knitter who first spoke them. Below are some classic sayings reworked in a way I’m sure all knitters will understand.

If at first you don’t succeed. . . hide the evidence in the back of the closet and pretend like you never knitted it.

The early bird. . . gets the last 3 skeins of discontinued yarn on Jimmybeanswool.com

Early to bed. . . early to VooDoo Donuts before Sock Summit.

A penny saved. . .means you’re one cent closer to getting that Cashmere/Mink blend you’ve been drooling over.

You can’t party with the sinners and . . . not learn the effects of drunk knitting the next day.

If the shoe fits. . . buy it and knit a pair of socks to go with it.

You only live once. . . so buy the yarn now. You may not be around for the sale.

Beauty is in the eye. . . of the knitter who just spent a month knitting that sweater for you. So put it on and say thank you or you’ll never get another birthday gift from them- EVER!

A fool and his money. . . will soon find his house taken over by his wife’s ever growing yarn stash.

Better to have loved and lost. . . then to have wasted good yarn knitting him a sweater.

All roads lead. . . to a great little yarn shop.

Curiosity killed the cat. . . and yarn was spun with the fur off his back!

What does not kill you. . .only makes your kitchener stitch even stronger.

Time heals all. . . remaining guilt from your last yarn shopping spree.

Nothing last forever. . . except Red Heart Super Saver Yarn.

A wise man knows. . . to give his wife the credit card and don’t ask questions.

If you can’t say something nice. . . stitch it in duplicate stitch.

You’re nobody. . . ’till you’ve got a fan group on Ravelry.

Behind every great man. . . is a happy knitter.

Money can’t buy you love . . . but it can buy a Starbucks frappuccino and several skeins of alpaca yarn.

What goes up. . . can usually be fixed by adding a three-inch knitted border to the hem. 

If  life is a highway. . . make sure to pack plenty of yarn for the journey.

When life bring you lemons. . . add vodka and sip while knitting.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. . . just use bigger needles next time.

Lovers come and go. . . but good knitting needles last forever.

When faced with a fork in the road, I take the road. . . that has the most yarn shops.

To thine own self be true. . . and let your knitting tell little white lies!

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My First Submission

I just submitted one of my sock designs for the first time ever! There was a call out for submissions from Tangled- an online knitting & crochet magazine. Since they will be at Sock Summit this year, they are dedicating their Summer issue to sock knitting. I found out about this on Thursday morning and the deadline for submissions is Monday. So, of course I was a mad duck running around trying to get everything I needed to submit my proposal and get it out in the mail on time. I sent the package priority mail just to make sure it gets there on time.

And now, we wait.

Am I excited about submitting one of my designs? of course. Am I scared about getting rejected? Hell yes!  But even if they decided not to use my design, then their loss will be Ravelry’s gain as I will just post the pattern there for all to enjoy.

I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.

My (Shameless) Teaching Proposal

I figured that since I am not going to be teaching at this year’s Sock Summit, that it would be safe to share with you some parts of the  actually teaching proposal that I had submitted. Please let me know what you think:

Teaching Proposal for Sock Summit 2011

 
Who are you? Do you have formal teaching experience? We’d love to know if you do.

 

 

But whooo-R-yooooouuuu? Sorry, Alice In Wonderland flashbacks. Hi, my name is Michelle. Online I am best known as Liver Chick. You can find me on Ravelry and chatting away on my blog https://liverchickknits.wordpress.com.

The following is my shameless proposal to teach at Sock Summit 2011.

College graduate with an Associates of Arts degree from Phoenix, Arizona, where I studied costume and makeup design for the Theatre. I worked for nine years as a professional makeup artist and taught Makeup and Costume Design on the college level.

I had a quick stint at California Institute for the Arts majoring in Costume Design. My claim to fame there was hand knitting fifteen openwork tribal inspired headdresses for the department’s 2001 production of Trojan Women.

A former craft teacher at Michael’s Craft store where I taught beginner knitting classes as well as loom knitting, among other things.

Here is where I stop sounding like a resume and share with you my journey into sock knitting that has evolved into this proposal that you are now reading. (You may want to refill that cup of coffee before you start.)

I was always reluctant to learn to knit a pair of socks. I had knitted enough scarves and hats to open my own store. I even knitted a sweater for my boyfriend. (Which obviously was a damn good sweater because a year later he became my husband. Or maybe the sweater was so bad that he was afraid that if he remained my boyfriend he would have to endure even more ghastly sweaters and knew that the only way to stop the madness was to marry me, thus ending the ‘boyfriend’ sweaters.) Either way, I had some pretty good knitting under my belt. Sock knitting just always seemed other-worldly to me.

In 2008, at the age of 30, my liver stopped working. (Doesn’t that always happen? The moment the warranty is up on something it freaking decides to die on you!) Well, there’s nothing like a coma and a liver transplant to boost your ego and make you say, “What the hell! If I could survive that, knitting a sock should be a piece of cake”. Of course it didn’t hurt that as part of my recovery I had joined Boba Knits and spent each week watching Cookie A. knitting away at her kick-ass socks.

So, with the new boost of confidence- and a new liver- I set out to knit me some socks. Well, trying to knit with double pointed needles scared the hell out of my cats and soon after I had to start asking people to sign waivers before entering my house so I wouldn’t be held liable for bodies being impaled by my needles every time I tried to knit a sock. Then, much to my family’s relief, I decided that maybe circular needles were more my style. I can tell you from personal experience that the magic loop and Long Island ice teas do not mix. And when the toe-up method had me reaching for the Johnny Walker, I knew it was time to stop.

“But there just had to be a way for me to knit socks that wouldn’t reduce me to drinking”, I thought. I wanted to find a way to knit socks the same way I like to knit most other things- with two straight needles. So I set out to find if such a thing was possible. Not only was two needle socks possible, it was also popular, for a short time. I ordered old knitting pamphlets on the subject and read any information I could find. The use of the two needle method had opened the doors to sock knitting for many frustrated knitters during its heyday. But that nasty uncomfortable seam down the center bottom of the foot seems to have been its downfall. “Hey, why does the seam have to be down the middle? Why can’t it be on the sides instead?” Even fewer patterns existed for socks with seams on the side and the few patterns that did, usually over complicated the process with wonky heels and odd configurations. After much trial and error, I figured out how to make socks on two needles that looked and felt just as nice as socks made in the more traditional methods. I know that I’m not the only one who ever became frustrated with learning to knit socks. And just like me, there has to be many other knitters out there who would love to learn a new way of knitting socks.

I remember those dark days of long ago. Those days before I became a sock knitter. I felt like an outcast, an incomplete knitter. The other knitters would talk about me behind my back. I was left out of parties because sock knitters feared being associated with a non-sock knitter like me. I don’t want another knitter to suffer what I’ve gone through. So I have made it my mission to help my sisters and brothers and free them from the chains that keep them from enjoying the world of sock knitting. And if we sock knitters are to be a great nation of knitters then this skill must be taught . So I will teach two needle sock knitting to knitters from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Knitters will knit two needle sock from the mighty mountains of New York. They will knit socks from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

They will knit socks from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

They will knit socks from the curvaceous peaks of California!

But not only that; they will knit their socks on two needles from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Socks will be knit from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Socks will be knit from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let sock knitters knit! .

When we let two needle sock knitters knit , when we spread the news of this alternative way of sock knitting from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s sock knitters, old sock knitters and young sock knitters, toe up and cuff down, two at a time and single sock syndrome, will be able to join needles and sing in the words of the old knitter’s spiritual, “Turn the heel! Turn the heel! Does anyone remember how to turn the heel?!” 

 
Anything else you think we need to know about working with you. Like that you charge $33,000 a day and need to be paid in gold, or that you can’t teach unless your cat can come, or (more seriously) do you need an accessible classroom? Special teaching aids? Help?
 

 

Since you asked, yes, I would like to be paid $33,000 a day for my time and I would like payment in one dollar bills only. No, seriously, I like money, so getting paid would be great. But I also realize that you like money too, so I’m sure we can work out a way for us to both have money. Whatever ended up being the average payment for most instructors during the last Summit is fine with me. (It may sound like I’m being too easy, but really my nose is short, so its hard for me to look down it and scoff at some imaginary price that’s not worth my time and talent. Heck, I’m even willing to barter with you. Four days of room and food for four days of my enslavement to the Sock Summit- sounds like a deal to me!)

As far as my class needs, I think I’ll be able to handle the class without too many extras. A long table for me to display different stages of the sock knitting process would be nice. The students will mainly be following their handouts.

As for what you need to know about working with me, I will let you know that I am shy when I first meet people, but warm up rather quickly. I’m always willing to help, (that’s the girl scout in me), and have a tendency to show up when an extra body is needed for something. Remember back in the day with those college parties where everyone got wasted, but when you woke up the next morning everything was clean and breakfast was made? Yup, I’m that girl that stayed up all night picking up all those empty bottles, cleaning the vomit out the carpet and unclogging the toilet. And because I knew you would all have the munchies when you sobered up, I baked a quiche and put out bottles of water along with a bottle of aspirin on the kitchen table before I left. Why would I do all this? Well, because I do enjoying helping people and also because the guilt is going to eat away at you until you do something nice for me in return. Can we say, new yarn?  

We’d also like to know where you live, how you would get to Oregon (we cover reasonable transportation) and if you’re free all four days of the Summit—Thursday, July 28th – Sunday, July 31st, 2011.
 

 

Okay, now you’re getting personal. Ask me anything more and I’ll make you take me out to dinner first!

Well, I live in XXXX, Arizona, which is a small town that is like a pigeon dropping away from Phoenix.

I would really like to fly to Oregon. I don’t need to fly first class or have any special seating. You can fly me on the cheapest flight available. Seriously, I’ll take the one that leaves Phoenix at 3 o’clock in the morning with five connections and the only available seats being the ones right next to the toilet.

Now, where am I going to stay is a different issue, but I’ll be able to figure that one out. Hopefully, hotel rooms are still available. Based on the forums on Ravelry it seems some of the hotels were completely booked a week after you announced the dates. If nothing is available, I’m more then happy sleeping on the floor in someone’s hotel room if that option is open. In worst case, I’ll be claiming stall number five in the ladies restroom at the convention center as my room for the duration of the Summit. (Remember, girl scout here. I know how to ‘rough it’.)

To answer the other part of your question, yes, I am available for all four days of the Summit. Feel free to use me in whichever way turns you on, I’m all yours.

So, you’ve come to the end of my proposal. Did I sound crazy and desperate? If so, then I have achieved what I set out to do. Really, I’m not this way in person. At least not all the time. Well, even if you don’t select me to teach at the Summit, I do hope you got a few good laughs from reading this. Feel free to save this and read anytime you need a little laughter.

Wishing you well,

Liver Chick 

 
 

 

It’s Not You, It’s Me

I just got a very nice rejection letter for my proposal to teach at Sock Summit. I pasted a copy of the letter below. Feel free to read it. If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom drowning  myself in a tub full of cashmere yarn. *sigh*

Hello Michelle,
           Thank you so much for your very well considered teaching proposal. This has been such a difficult job.  We’ve gotten so many wonderful class proposals from some really lovely people, yourself included.  You sound like you have had quite the time of it and come out the other side in a pretty good place. Suck a wonderful attitude it was a joy to read your story.
      We are not going to be able to add you to the teaching list this time around but please don’t take this as anything other then we are full.

 Thank you so much for taking the time to apply.
   Our best,

  Tina and Stephanie

Doesn’t Every Knitter Deserve. . .

I was on Flickr the other night viewing pictures from Sock Summit 2009, when I came across this gorgeous picture.  This picture was posted by Knit Chick. Even though it is a collection of several knitters’ items purchased on day 1 of the Sock Summit, I can’t help but drool at the idea of bring home this kind of loot. Seriously, doesn’t every knitter deserve to bring home a suitcase filled with all these goodies!

To Stitches West and Beyond!

 

It is strange to think that I live so close to one of the biggest knitting events in the US, yet as of a year ago, I knew nothing about it.

I started attending Bobaknits in March only to learn that I had just missed the Stitches West event that happened in my own backyard.  The ladies were still talking about the classes they took, the yarn they bought and showing off new knitting bags and needles.

As for me, I sulked in my seat, knitting away with needles I bought at the Goodwill and some no name yarn that I still can’t remember where I got it from. Not that I was complaining, but I’ve never been to any really cool crafting event. The first time I ever walked into a convention hall was to attend a bridal show while I was planning my wedding.

Over the years I’ve watched my friends return from scrapbooking expos, beading shows and religious conferences with bags full of goodies , great stories and an expanded circle of friends. All I’ve ever returned with was an empty carton of ice cream and two pounds added to my hips from my own pity party.

Well, no more. This year I plan to attend  Stitches West! If God be willing and the creek don’t rise, I want to be there to shop for yarn, knit with someone other than my bedroom mirror and learn something new.

I also hope to attend the Sock Summit. This may be a bit harder to swing as the price of attending this event is going to be much higher than Stitches West, but I will not let cost hinder my efforts. I’m stitching away right now making products for my store on Etsy that I hope will pay for my trip there.

I figured if I can’t raise enough money to attend Sock Summit, I’ll hitchhike my way there, camp out in the parking lot of the convention center and feed myself by digging in the garbage bins behind Voodoo Donuts.

Let me know if any of you will be at Stitches West of Sock Summit.

Sock Summit 2011

 

I vow this very moment to do everything in my power to be at the 2011 Sock Summit. After drooling over the pictures online from Sock Summit 2009 and reading the numerous blogs from those who attended I feel almost ashamed that I did not get back into knitting and dive into sock knitting until now.

The teachers. The classes. The yarn! There doesn’t seem to be anything about the Sock Summit that’s not to love. So, I’m saving up my pennies and starting my own countdown for what I am sure will be one of the largest and craziest gathering of knitters around. See you there!