Weapons of Mass Construction

My needles came in shortly after my blog posting on Monday. I think I scared the postman when I opened the door before his hand even touched the doorbell.

Needles now safely in my hands I  must say they are better than I had expected. Made of bamboo and all nicely polished, each one is engraved with the US size and mm. The needles are sets of double-pointed ranging in sizes from 0 to 9. The needles are 13.5 inches long. ( And, yes, this makes the size 0 needles look like toothpicks for giants.)

My Freaking Long Double Pointed Needles

The whole idea of buying freaking long double-pointed needles was to create smaller needles at a cheaper price. Since I don’t knit with double-pointed needles, but need the smaller sizes for knitting socks, I figured I could cut a pair of the needles in half, thus creating two pairs of shorter straight needles and still leaving one set of long needles in the same size for other ‘non-sock’ projects. Smart idea, huh? The price I had to pay for these needles is pocket change compared to how much it would have cost to purchase pre-made smaller needles in all these sizes.

Once I cut the needles I will glue a small bead to the ends which will give me some nice custom DIY needles for all my two needle sock knitting.

Of course my Boy Toy had a few things to say about my new needles:

Boy Toy: Why not cut all four of the size 0 needles?

Liver Chick: I’ll end up with two pairs once I cut the first two, so there is no need to cut all four.

Boy Toy: But what are you ever going to knit with a pair of 13.5 inch size 0 needles?

Liver Chick: You never know when I might need long needles that size.

Boy Toy: Yes, because when Godzilla comes into town to can take him down by giving him a splinter in his foot with one of these.

Liver Chick: It could happen.

Boy Toy: You know, we have meat skewers thicker then these things. No needles should ever be this thin and long. Seriously, these things aren’t for knitting, they’re weapons.

Liver Chick: Oh no, you’ve discovered my secret. For years now I’ve been practicing the ancient art of stealth knitting needle kung fu.

Boy Toy: Dude! I could totally use these as poison darts. All I need is one of those long straws that I can blow into and shoot them at something like elephants.

Liver Chick: Yes, because there’s a huge elephant problem here in Arizona.

Boy Toy: Or maybe I’ll just blow one at you when you’re ignoring me.

Liver Chick: And when we’re in the emergency room because I have a knitting needle stuck in my butt I’ll make sure to ask the doctor to give you a vasectomy while we’re there.

Boy Toy: Would I get extra points if I hit bullseye?

Liver Chick: WHAT?…you…you know what, don’t even talk to me.

Boy Toy: *laughing* 50 points for the right butt cheek. 60 for the left one. 100 if you get it in the center.

Liver Chick: Okay, that’s it.

(Liver Chick gets up and goes after Boy Toy. Boy Toy takes off running and locks himself in the bathroom. Liver Chick walks away fuming and thinks of leaving one of the size 0 needles outside the bathroom for Boy Toy to step on and get a splinter.)

Boy Toy’s Failed Attempt at Design

Well, I am happy to say that another one of my designs have been accepted by a yarn company!

I’ve just mailed off the completed garments from the other yarn company and working on swatches for a few more submission deadlines coming up.

It feels good to have some work to do and get paid for doing it. Like my Theatre teacher often told me- “The only real difference between a professional and an amature is a paycheck”.

The interesting part about all this is trying to get my Boy Toy to  understand the whole process of me being paid to play with yarn.

Boy Toy: So, let me get this straight. You draw some shit on paper, turn it in to some company and they pay you for it?

Liver Chick: Well, that’s part of it.

Boy Toy: So, I could get paid for drawing shit?

Liver Chick: It’s not shit. I draw pretty pictures.

Boy Toy: Okay, so lets say I draw some pretty shit on paper and send it in,….

Liver Chick: Stop calling it shit! Call it ‘stuff’ or something.

Boy Toy: Alright. So I draw some pretty shitty stuff on paper and turn it in. Then they pay me for it?

Liver Chick: Say that five times fast.

Boy Toy: Pretty shitty stuff, pretty shitty stuff, pretty shitty….

Liver Chick: No. You actually have to ‘make’ what you draw and give instructions on how you made it so other people can make it too.

Boy Toy: Well, that’s easy. I’ll just give it to you to make.

Liver Chick: Oh, how nice of you, honey. Make me do all the work while you get all the money? I don’t think so. If I do the work, then I get the money.

Boy Toy: No, that’s not how it works. Remember, we’re married. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.

Liver Chick: Um, I think that’s my line, honey.

Boy Toy: No, I remember specifically in our vows that you are to honor and obey me and give me all your money.

Liver Chick: Maybe those were the vows you heard when you got drunk and married that hooker in Vegas, but that is not how it goes in this house. If you get a design accepted by a yarn company then you’re gonna have to pick up your knitting loom and knit it yourself.

Boy Toy: But honey, you love me. And you suppose to do nice things for the people you love. So, if I get a design accepted, you’ll do it for me, right?

Liver Chick: Only if you agree to clean the toilets for a month.

Boy Toy: Never mind.