Socks Before Husbands

After all the celebration from yesterday, it was time to settle down and get back to work. I’m still working on that pair of men’s socks that I mentioned to you before. I want to make sure I get them in well before the Knitty.com deadline.

My Boy Toy will reluctantly be my model for the socks.

Boy Toy: “Do I need to shave my legs?”

Liver Chick: “No, you can just stay all natural.”

Boy Toy: “But my legs are so white! Maybe I should go get one of those fake tans or something.”

Liver Chick: “Yes and have your legs look like a pair of over-baked french loaves?”

Boy Toy: “Better than them looking like the first stage of rigamortis.”

Liver Chick: “Your legs are fine.”

Boy Toy: “Wait, what if someone recognizes me?”

Liver Chick: “I’m not taking a full picture of you. It’s just your feet and legs.”

Boy Toy: “But someone could still recognize me.”

Liver Chick: “Yes, because you have done oh so many fashion spreads that your legs are now as recognizable as J-Lo’s butt.”

Boy Toy: “What, you didn’t know I was a leg model in my youth? Seriously, what if one of my ex-girlfriends see the picture and realize its me.”

Liver Chick: “So, you’re saying your ex-girlfriends were on their knees so much that they would be able to recognize your knees and feet?”

Boy Toy: “Well….”

Liver Chick: “Or will they have to turn the picture upside down because they’re more use to your legs being up in the air?”

Boy Toy: “Okay, that’s just nasty! I don’t even want to think about where you’re going with that one.”

Liver Chick: “Hey, you were the one talking about ex-lovers recognizing your legs.”

Boy Toy: “I was just saying. Maybe I should shave.”

Liver Chick: “No shaving!”

Boy Toy: “But I’m so hairy. I have freaking bear legs.”

Liver Chick: “No shaving. No tanning. And if some ex-girlfriend recognizes your legs, we’ll deal with it on Jerry Springer! I just want to take a cute picture of you wearing my socks, that’s all.”

Boy Toy: “This is not going to be one of those pictures that some jaded knitter is going to try to blackmail me with later when I run for president?”

Liver Chick: “Yes, forget that you balanced the country’s budget and ended poverty in America. Your entire presidency will crumble and fall all due to this one picture of you wearing my socks.”

Boy Toy: “It could happen. Besides, you women are evil like that. Walking around with two sharp pointy things in your purse and a ball of yarn. At any moment you could drop a stitch, snap under the pressure, then stab someone to death with your needles in frustration and then use your yarn to wrap them like a mummy.”

Liver Chick: “And that is why you can never divorce me.”

Boy Toy: “No. I’ll just leave the country and then serve you divorce papers.”

Liver Chick: “You do remember, they allow knitting needles on planes again.”

Boy Toy: “Crap!”

Liver Chick: “I love you too, honey. Now try on this sock.”

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